So we’re back on the financial emotional roller coaster.
How does one go from making independent sole decisions based on you and what’s important to you to joint decisions taking in both ideas and priorities without wanting to kill the other person?
A few days ago we sat down to talk about our financial plans and goals and granted the conversation did not go so well, we did agree about what our short term goals are. This was my hangup that day because all of our short term large expenses would be for me. I have a $2,000 expense I need to take care of as soon as possible, also soon after that I’ll have to pay for my tuition and soon after that I would like to travel to Colombia along with my husband and sisters. He and I both agreed that these would be our common saving goals along with establishing an emergency savings account, 401K contributions, debt reduction, and saving for a down payment on a new house. My expenses are immediate, wheras everything else was deemed to be part of a long term plan.
Last night we sat down to do our budget to see where we stood for the rest of the month and to set up next month’s budget as we will be traveling out of town for our reception, etc. Barring any cash surge (reception gifts) or emergency (car breaks down/whatever), accroding to our budget we should have approximately $2,200 saved up by November 1st. So I said perfect! We have the $2K for my first big expense, which means I can get that out of the way next month and we can start on saving for my tuition and our trip starting in Novemeber and we’ll have $200 left over.
Well, this sparked an all out fight. He thinks we should put a few hundred aside for my expense and break the money up so that in 6 – 8 months we can take care of everything. I blew up because I have been waiting to take care of this matter 16 years and when it is in my grasp he tells me we should wait 6 – 8 months until we have more bankroll and that we never agreed that that was what our money would be saved for or for immediate use.
Now, mind you, the $2200 saved up means we’ve paid all of our bills, he’s paying down his credit cards, we’ve spent money on his birthday, my sister’s bday, my birthday, alloted for miscellaneous spending, etc. and then we have $2200 left over. So, it’s not like taking the $2K immediately would leave us off badly financially, it’s just that he won’t see our savings grow for 6- 8 months before it gets spent, but rather we would spend it as we accumulate the amounts required for each expense, but wither way in 6 – 8 months the exoense would be taken care of and the “savings” would be gone.
However, between Tuesday and Thursday things changed from “it’s OUR money and your priorities are our priorities”‘ to “you’re being selfish, everything can’t be about what you want, and I don’t agree with that plan”. It is driving me crazy that I have to get “permission” from him to spend the money we save. I wish I was alone or that we had not merged our finances then I would be half way to my goal and I would cut down every expense for the next month to save the other $1K by the end of Novemebr and I wouldn’t have anyone to ask, “do you agree?” I owould just make my own plan and follow it! I hate this merging finances/lives and being hadcuffed when making decisions, because we both have to agree! ugh! $1K of that money is mine! plus we would be saving part of my paycheck to come to the $2K and using my paycheck to pay for our household expenses etc just as much as his paycheck. ugh! I just want to be on my own again!
On top of that, the damn house is his because he bought it and now I live with him so last night when I wanted to just lock myself away somewhere and be on my own I had nowhere to go. I couldn’t drive back to my place and just be alone. I didn’t want to be in our master room because , well it’s ours. I went to the guest bedroom, but that’s his room. The only place I could go to was our study, but tha’s still our common area and it’s in his house! I need my own space! My sister has her own suite upstairs, he’s got the guest bedroom, and I have no place that isn’t a common area. Sometimes I jsut want my apartment back. I just want a place to call my own again.