marriage


Marriage is great because it brings you together forever with that one special person that touches your heart. You get to share every morning and night together. Every thought and every experience. Marriage is difficult for the very same reasons.

Marriage puts you in one shared house where everything is shared from time and space to food and things.  Now I love my husband and thoroughly enjoy spending time with him. However, I also thoroughly enjoyed having my own place and living alone. I was never one of those women who wished she had someone to come home to. I was the one that rushed home to the peaceful quite of an empty apartment. It was blissful. Everything was done the way I wanted because I did it myself. Everything was right where I left it when I came home. I ate if I was hungry, I didn’t if I wasn’t. I cleaned when the mood would strike me, sometimes from 9pm to 4am. I left a mess when I felt like it. I watched what I wanted on tv. I  shopped for whatever I wanted, budget with my own priorities, sometimes savings was no. 1, sometimes new shoes were top priority. When the mood would strike me to plant a garden I drove to the store picked up a gardening book and a bunch of plants and spent a week doing that. Basically, I lived on my own. On my own time, my own money, my own terms, my own moods, etc.

Now, I am happily married, but painfully aware of my husbands needs. I can’t do my own budget, I have to wait until we both have the time. I can’t ever put new shoes as priority no. 1, savings always goes first. When I got the urge to garden, I had to wait a week until we could re-analyze the budget to create a gardening budget. Then, I spent 2 weeks researching gardening and real estate markets to come up with a gardening plan that would make the house more profitable when we decide to sell it. Then, I waited forever to go plant shopping with the hubby and in the end: Gardening never happened.

Compromise and teamwork can be great in a marriage, in fact it’s indispensable, but I gotta say, I’m a little over it. I get these bouts sometimes where I just want to break free! I imagine myself going back to my old apartment and finding it just the way I left it: perfectly alone. Alas, no such luck. When I want to retreat, I go into our shared home office, until of course, my husband needs to do something and comes in or simply misses me and comes looking for me.  Poor guy, he’s gotten the brunt of my cabin fever frustration this week. he cleaned the office for me and that put me on edge as it was all my paperwork I wanted to clean and organize myself. Again, I’m not a fan of people touching my stuff or doing things I already had a plan to do. And yes, people includes my husband. Then, he tried to be nice and help with something else, but only wound up creating a mess.

My conclusion: I need to lighten up on the “I want to do everything myself” deal. I also need to find a space all of my own where I can retreat to. I let him have the guest room. He has all his stuff in there, I don’t touch his stuff or bother him when he retreats in there for whatever reason. However, he is not like me and doesn’t feel his own room is necessary. This week I will be on the hunt for a space to call my own.

One…we bew our budget when we bought our new cars. 

Two…we didn’t take into account insurance

Three…budget has to be revamped entirely.

Four…budget has no room left in it now. For anything. This is not good!

Five…hubby and I agreed to deposit all of our paychecks into our joint account and transfer a small “allowance” into each of our personal accounts for things like lunch, gas, etc. Hubby decided to just have 66% of his check deposited to joint account and keep 33% rather than set up a transfer. That was fine. This agreement was made in January. His checks or even 66% are not being direct deposited to the joint account. He just deposits a set amount when he remembers, or more accurately, when I remind him 3 times! this week he got paid for overtime. I though whoohoo we will have extra money to cover things. I was wrong. Extra money stayed in his personal account. He is also avoiding putting the money in our newly set up joint savings. I’m beggining to lose my patience. We have had this conversation 5,000 times. I even offered to not have a joint account and we split the bills 50/50. He said no, he wanted a joint account. What is the deal with his hesitation! I’m ready to scream, but it’s so difficult to ask him about his money when I’ve always been so independent. I just want to know where things stand. I want to have one decision we both follow through on!

BUDGET

My husband and I had agreed to get together at the end of each month to create our budget for the next month. I have to admit that we’ve been slacking and we generally wind up doing it in the middle of the month, which is crazy because it means we’ve spent half the month without a budget. Anyhow, last night I began to organize my office and realized that we hadn’t sat down to do our budget for February. This happens to be monumentally important because we are currently looking to buy new cars and although we knew how much we had a s a down payment and about how much we could afford monthly, we had not sat down to look at the hard numbers. It turns out we have a nice chunk of change left over at the end of the month, so that takes a little of the stress away where we thought adding two car payments to the budget would be tightening thing up a lot. 

Also, it seems that each month that we are married there are more and more line items in our budget. I know that I used to always forget a few line items when I did my single budget. I think it was almost intentional because I knew those were things I should try not to spend money on. However, it seems like there is a lot of extra in our budget now (ie: gym, coffee shops, alcohol, dates, etc). At the same time, it seems as though we have a nice cash flow coming in form random places. 

REFI

I wish I had a whole post about our refi. However, I’ve let my husband handle this entirely. He bought our house last year before we were married, so he went through the entire process alone (we had broken up at the time). He talked with his dad about the car buying process and fears of budget strains and his dad suggested we refinance at a lower rate to find extra money each month. My husband called up the same lady who did his original mortgage loan and apparently this is a perfect time to refi. Depending on when we finish the process our rate will drop between 1.5 to 2 points, which is awesome. This will bring us a savings of approximately $80/month. Also, she found a different PMI company which will crop our PMI cost by $20/month. All in all we will save about $100/month with the refi. We originally wanted to refi with a non-HFA loan company so that we would be able to do away with the PMI alltogether and according to my husband that would drop the mortgage about $100/month. However, our credit isn’t exactly there yet, so we have had to go with a new HFA loan. We keep all of the house docments together, so the coument gathering process consisted of him grabbing a file folder out of the safe and cleaning his room to find two other documents — pretty painless. 

CARS

New cars. Ok, I drive a Honda Civic which my dad gave me as a graduation gift 5 years ago. However, that car is committed to my sister when she gets her license. My car that I bought is a ten year old Taurus. My husband drove a Mazda Tribute. Two months ago he was in an accident and totalled the car. At that point we got the insurance money and decided to get him a new car. In the meantime he drove my Taurus. We got $6K for his car. He spent about $500 to fix up the Taurus and wanted to use $3K to buy a used car. My first instict was that he would buy a crappy car that would cost us a bundle in repairs and maintenance in the long run. I nixed that idea and suggested he use the $3K as down payment on a quality used car. He wasn’t quite convinced (even though the Taurus I bought 3 years back for $1.8K had already eaten up arond $3K). Then he drove the Taurus to the office one Saturday morning and I had to pick him up because the alternator (we think) went out. Since my sister is close to getting her license soon, we decided we needed to get cars for both he and I now. At that point we decided to use the $6K as down payment for two quality used cars. My first idea wa to get another Civic or a Corolla and call it a day. He, however, wanted a nice car. He wanted an Acura. Iargued that that would be too much car for us. We don’t need large interiors, heated leather seats or wood grain panels. But he insisted. Then he had me test drive one. I fell in love! so then we started to try to stretch the original budget to buy two used Acuras. As I looked at cars in the Acura price range, I found a used Lexus and went to drive it. I ell in love even more! So it stands now, we are looking to buy a used Acura and a used Lexus both hopefully with under $50K miles and both at around $14,900 hopefully less than that. It is possible, we just have to wait on the right deal and pounce on it.

Well now that the budget is all worked out, I just have to post it on Google Docs and then next week we can get started on tax prep! fun times.

It’s a brand new year and the Blog has a brand new look. Not to mention we have a brand new awesome president! Sorry, I can’t help myself. 

My Goals for the Year:

  • Organize my home office
  • Eliminate my debt (except cars and house)
  • Buy new cars
  • Increase income 
  • Start School again!
  • Create building blocks for my marriage (ie: better communication, date nights, etc)
  • Blog more frequently
  • Create a savings plan
  • Create a retirement plan
  • Begin depositing in my sister’s college fund

The End. Let’s see how I do.