Earlier, I expressed that I am a very independent woman. I have lived on my own for 5 years and I rarely like to turn to my parents for any sort of help. I have certainly never taken any financial help from a man.
Life has always been about how hard I can work and what I can get for myself. Of course, I always have also tried to do as much as I can for my sisters as well, but I htink of them as an extension of me. When I have needed something, I have just figured out how to get it for myself or go without it. I have had help from friends at the times I needed it, but even accepting that help was hard for me.
My husband is seven years older than me and obviously, we came together at two different point of our lives; financially, emotionally, spiritually, etc. The first bump in our road was from the emotional differences between us. I was not used to getting emtionally attached to anyone, and I had to break that in order to allow myself to fall in love. He stood patiently by my side as I struggled with it all.
Now, we are trying to plan out our finances. Specially since I have been reading many personal finance blogs, such as My Dollar Plan. We have been able to sit down and do our budget together within 2 weeks of being married. It was admittedly a little difficult for me because I did not like the idea of having to explain my expenses to someone else. Specially since I’ve alway had a part of my income going towards my sisters. We got through it, but we busted the budget anyway, so now we have to sit down ad re-do it. We didn’t bust it in the sense that we spent more than what we have, but in the sense that we overspent in some areas. Namely, my sisters and my eating out.
Last night we set down to plan for the future and discuss debt, 401Ks, CDs, investments, Expenses, etc. Teh discussion did not go the way I had hoped at all. I had hoped we would talk about different options for saivng and investing money. Rather, we spent some time talking about m y creidt history and how to fix it. Also we talked about the upcoming expenses, which are all really my expenses, as they benefit me (tuition, travel to Colombia, other). I felt terrible because I simply felt like he had the upper hand in our relatioship, financially. He contributes to his 401K monthly. I have not contributed in 2 years. He has the house and the equity and large tax returns involved with that. I seem to have nothing. These are all the reasons I didn’t want to get married until I was 30. I wanted to be stable and have things to bring to the table, rather than feel so incredibly inadequate. I realize that many of these things are not really problems as I am only 23 and most people my age don’t have a nest egg and investments, etc. I just don’t like being the financially inferior one in any situation.
He, of course, being the wonderful man that he is, explained that since he only lived alone in the house for about 6 months and we have been there the other 6 months paying into the mortgage and expenses, etc, we have as much stake in the equity and tax return as he does. He also told me that we’re married now and evertyhing is ours. From my expenses to his assets. Yeah, I guess, but still the independent woman in me is not very happy with the entire situation. I wish I had more money. Sometimes I even wish I had waited to get married. In the end, we didn’t really even make a plan because it didn’t go so well after I got upset at my own situaiton.